Wwa
07/05/03, 01 :15 01:15:46 AM
Doctors Visit
A man and his wife goes to the Doctors office, the man who has a hearing
problem is there for a physical, the doctor tells the man he will need a
urine and stool sample, The man says Hunh ! The docor repeats himself I will
need a urine and stool sample, hunh ! this time the man looks at his wife and
asks what did he say?
The wife answers in a loud voice "HE NEEDS TO SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR
Veterinarian
Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate.
This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity,
approached her.
"Sister, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the
collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I
don't need I give to the church."
"That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
"Oh, $2,000 a week."
"Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is a very honorable profession. Where does he practice?"
"Well, he has one cat house in Las Vegas and another in Reno.
Doctor's Funeral
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in
front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor
finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their
good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart
closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
Psychiatrist Visit
A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a
patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?"
He got this reply...
"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never
have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then
became my stepdaughter. My daddy came to visit us, fell in love with
my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was
now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my
daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my
stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife. So, as I told
you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my
stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also
became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she
is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my
stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson. But hold on
just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my
step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but
I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in
this place?"
The Checkup
The old man takes the old lady to the doctor for a checkup.
The doctor wants to have some fun with the old man so
after the checkup he tells the old man that the problem is
serious the old ladies health is deteriorating
and the only cure is sex.
The old man says sex?
Yes, the doctor says sex you know.
How many times she must have sex?
The doctor says three times a week.
What days? the old man says.
Well, lets say Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
Well, doctor Tuesday and Thursday I can but,
on Saturday I have something to do,
I can't bring her to you.
Wooden Eye
A man was involved in a terrible car accident. Because of the accident he
lost one of his eyes. The doctor explained to him that he could get a fake
eye to replace the real one. So the man agrees and chooses the least
expensive. A wooden eye.
Some months pass and the mans friends come over to visit him. They are very
worried because he has not been out of the house for months. They tell him
that there is a party at another friends house that night. The man finally
agrees to go.
When they get there people are dancing and having a good time. The man finds
a seat in the corner and remains there. The friends find the man again and
tell him he needs to get up and dance. Then from across the room a women
appears. She is looking at the man sitting in the corner. The mans friends
point her out. So he walks over to her to ask her to dance. As he gets closer
he realizes she has a hair lip. He thinks to himself , what a pair we would
make. My wooden eye and her hair lip. The man walked up to the women and
asked if she would like to dance? And her replay is would I , would I. He
points back at her and says hair lip, hair lip.
Stephanie's Husband
Stephanie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months, yet she had stayed by his bedside each and every day. One day,
when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You
have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were
there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got
shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What, dear?" Stephanie gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill
with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck!"
A man and his wife goes to the Doctors office, the man who has a hearing
problem is there for a physical, the doctor tells the man he will need a
urine and stool sample, The man says Hunh ! The docor repeats himself I will
need a urine and stool sample, hunh ! this time the man looks at his wife and
asks what did he say?
The wife answers in a loud voice "HE NEEDS TO SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR
Veterinarian
Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate.
This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity,
approached her.
"Sister, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the
collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I
don't need I give to the church."
"That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
"Oh, $2,000 a week."
"Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is a very honorable profession. Where does he practice?"
"Well, he has one cat house in Las Vegas and another in Reno.
Doctor's Funeral
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in
front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor
finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their
good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart
closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
Psychiatrist Visit
A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a
patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?"
He got this reply...
"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never
have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then
became my stepdaughter. My daddy came to visit us, fell in love with
my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was
now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my
daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my
stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife. So, as I told
you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my
stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also
became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she
is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my
stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson. But hold on
just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my
step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but
I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in
this place?"
The Checkup
The old man takes the old lady to the doctor for a checkup.
The doctor wants to have some fun with the old man so
after the checkup he tells the old man that the problem is
serious the old ladies health is deteriorating
and the only cure is sex.
The old man says sex?
Yes, the doctor says sex you know.
How many times she must have sex?
The doctor says three times a week.
What days? the old man says.
Well, lets say Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
Well, doctor Tuesday and Thursday I can but,
on Saturday I have something to do,
I can't bring her to you.
Wooden Eye
A man was involved in a terrible car accident. Because of the accident he
lost one of his eyes. The doctor explained to him that he could get a fake
eye to replace the real one. So the man agrees and chooses the least
expensive. A wooden eye.
Some months pass and the mans friends come over to visit him. They are very
worried because he has not been out of the house for months. They tell him
that there is a party at another friends house that night. The man finally
agrees to go.
When they get there people are dancing and having a good time. The man finds
a seat in the corner and remains there. The friends find the man again and
tell him he needs to get up and dance. Then from across the room a women
appears. She is looking at the man sitting in the corner. The mans friends
point her out. So he walks over to her to ask her to dance. As he gets closer
he realizes she has a hair lip. He thinks to himself , what a pair we would
make. My wooden eye and her hair lip. The man walked up to the women and
asked if she would like to dance? And her replay is would I , would I. He
points back at her and says hair lip, hair lip.
Stephanie's Husband
Stephanie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months, yet she had stayed by his bedside each and every day. One day,
when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You
have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were
there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got
shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What, dear?" Stephanie gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill
with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck!"