Wwa
06/05/03, 02 :53 02:53:42 AM
Sex Therapy
A couple both age 67, went to a sex therapist's office
The doctor asked, what can I do for you?
The man said, Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, There's nothing wrong
with the way you have intercourse, and charged them$50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would take an
appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor
then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, just exactly what are you trying to find out?
The old man said, we're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house.
I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $90.The Hilton charges $108.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from my insurance company!
PREGNANCY Q & A
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
AIDS
Gay Chip goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says, "Chip, I am not going to beat around
the bush, You have AIDS."
Chip is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy
sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot
sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of
Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Chip asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your
ass is for."
A couple both age 67, went to a sex therapist's office
The doctor asked, what can I do for you?
The man said, Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, There's nothing wrong
with the way you have intercourse, and charged them$50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would take an
appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor
then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, just exactly what are you trying to find out?
The old man said, we're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house.
I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $90.The Hilton charges $108.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from my insurance company!
PREGNANCY Q & A
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
AIDS
Gay Chip goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says, "Chip, I am not going to beat around
the bush, You have AIDS."
Chip is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy
sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot
sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of
Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Chip asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your
ass is for."